So, let's have a Dr. Phil moment...

Don't get me wrong, I am not a fan. Dr. Phil, in my opinion, has no right to give anyone advice on how to lose weight (hello, "Dr", you're a bit of a tubber yourself, no?), but I have to admit, much as he's gone the way of Springer and Povich in recent seasons, I always admired his whole, "How's that working for you?" and "It's time to get real about your life" mantras. You know, back when he was trying to actually help people change their lives rather than cramming Klansmen and African Americans together in the DRPHILHOUSE, just to create a spectacle akin to a massive train wreck.

So I guess that's what I have to do--I have to sit back and stop rationalizing. I have to stop making bargains with myself ("you can have your chai and muffin on Saturdays and Sundays if you don't during the week. Oh, but you can have sugar free hot chocolate every day of your life. And a splash of that peppermint creamer won't hurt. As long as you're not having chai and muffins!!").

I have to stop going through the "Okay, I will only eat South Beach diet bars for breakfast and lunch" phases because, sure, I might be able to pull that off, but those are the stretches of time when dinner consists of my body weight in pasta and 2 more South Beach bars before bed.

I have to stop the "Let's see how long I can go without eating" game and congratulating myself with a binge when I make it 5-6 hours, because, well, that just smacks of After School Special: The Eating Disorder.

These are all things I've done in the past year; all with little to no results. Don't get me wrong, I've also gone on long walks, eaten lots of vegetables and fresh fruit. I've turned down unhealthy foods on inumerable occasions. I even bought Nutrition for Dummies. I just haven't opened it yet. And if Dr. Phullofhimself were to ask me about all these silly little games I play, "How's that working for you?" I'd have to admit--it's not working at all.

I know I have to stop playing victim to my own behaviors. I had to do that 6.5 years ago when I lost the weight the first time. I got down to 135 at my lowest and felt downright skinny (even though that's in the middle of my "where you should be" range). The only problem is, I really don't remember how I did it. I know I moved from NH to here. I had lost almost 10 lbs before moving, just with the business of life that comes when planning a major life change. I didn't have time to obsess and fret about every bite. I had even less time to take those bites.

And I guess that's how it was when I first moved here--the stress of the new job and the hours I put into it necessitated far fewer snacks and rushed, tiny meals. I did, however, have time for the gym and I ran, for the first time in my life. I am, not a runner. I am not even close to what one might call a runner. But I did it. And the weight did come off. So perhaps that's what I have to do.

See...that's what I am talking about. "Perhaps". Duh. Um, that's what I have to do. Period.
I'm pretty sure Dr. Phil would call me on the use of the word "perhaps". I'm also pretty sure I've watched way too much Dr. Phil in the past.